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Moose

Poll: Canadians Support Moose in 'Moose-Shark' Conflict

Canada NewsLong John IndexComment

Original Photo courtesy @auraborealis199 , taken near Timmins, Ontario

With news this week that a Greenland Shark had attacked and almost choked on a piece of Newfoundland (and Labrador) Moose, many Canadians are wondering: is the Shark / Moose ceasefire over? Is War Imminent?

And more importantly, “Whats a Greenland Shark doing off the coast of Newfoundland eating Canadian Mooses? Do they not have Mooses in Greenland? Eat your own Mooses! You don’t see our Sharks coming over to Greenland and eating your Mooses!”

In anycase…

While many people are concerned, a completely unscientific poll of Canadians reveal that without question, in Shark vs Moose, Canada backs the Shark.

 

“I’m firmly in Moose Camp”, says @Erin_Bourne

 

“Would frankly put my money on a moose. Have almost been eaten by them repeatedly; never a shark. #notevensnowsharks” says @yegmapgie

 

“Perhaps the polar bears can mediate?” @pattimar13

 

Polar Bears could not be reached for comment. (Actually thats not true, they could be reached, but they were too busy drinking double doubles to comment.)

 

Whatever the future holds for Sharks and Moose, it’s clear that relations between the two species are at an all time low.


 

New Additions to the Glossary of Canadian Terms

Long John IndexComment

 

 

Canada is a country that is wide and vast in language as it is space. And Trees. A Canadian on the West Coast will say 'Eh' much differently than someone in Manitoba. Or Peterborough. ESPECIALLY Peterborough. Thats why we at the Long John Index, in addition to our valuable weather watchering, track terms and phrases in the Canadian language. As a service to you, we post them here, so that when people are talking about POLAR BEAR ALERTS or LONG JOHN INDEX ROYAL FLUSH, you'll know what they are talking about!

The Additions:

LONG JOHN INDEX ROYAL FLUSH - is a situation wherein all major cities across Canada have temperatures below the freezing point, and therefore qualify for a Long John Index Forecast. Long John Index Royal Flushes are generally issued during the day time, but will be issued overnight, should the opportunity arise. This phenomenon is very rare, due to the varied climate zones across the Canada, and also due to Toronto usually avoiding a Long John Index at any and all cost.

FOG MOOSE ALERT - Occurs during Foggy conditions when Moose, which are as common in Canada as sparrows or coffee cups, become dissorientated and wander into places they normally don't go. It is very common to all of a sudden find a Moose in shopping mall, in line at a popular coffee chain, or in some extreme cases, in your bathroom. It is advised that during Foggy conditions, be extra careful that you don't bump into a moose in your own shower.