The Long John Index Service of Canada

Keeping Canadians Warm and Entertained since Mid to late October

Behold the Long Range Forecasto-tron

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Original Photo by't it be great if instead of checking the weather minute by minute, hour by hour, we could know what the forecast is say, almost a month in adanvce? Probably not, because we've all developed Smartphone ADD. But it would still be interesting would it not? Thats why, we here at the Long John Index have been analyzing weather patterns, crunching lines of computer code, eating salty snacks, and have developed Canada's first truly non scientific whats-so-ever " No Corporate Sponsor Name Yet One Month Long Range Forecasto-tron"

Now, some disclaimers: To be fair, its not for the entire month, as we are already 3 days into November. Also, we weren't able to get every city and every day of the month, before we blew 17 power relays, and did unthinkable damage to Edmonton's electrical grid (our bad!). However we were able to save some data. So get out your smartphones ( as if they aren't already out), jot in the notes, and plan your month in advance! You are welcome Canada!


November 5: Calgary suffers serious slush damage and car wash owners rejoice after mild temperatures turn the snowy city into a muddy, windowwasher fluid smelling paradise

November 7: Winnipeg, having not received neither the snowstorms for the west, nor rain from the east, drops to an overnight low of -25, just so mother nature can prove she hasn't forgotten about Winnipeg.

November 9: Residents of Victoria rejoice as the never ending rain stops for just enough time to put down their umbrellas, only to have a torrential pour start just as they have fastened that little button. Thousands get soaked.

November 10: Hockey Skates replace the automobile as the primary mode of transportation in Edmonton, as a melting and freezing cycle renders sanding trucks useless. Out of work Professional Hockey players start lucrative "skating rickshaw" service.

November 13: St. John's is buried by 3 feet of wet snow, which is washed away by cold atlantic rain, 3 times before supper.

November 15: Toronto hits a Long John Index of 1. Toronto's Mayor forgets to alert armed forces as he is too busy reading while driving to a football practice which is taking place during a city council meeting.

November 17: Quebec City drops to a Long John Index of 3. Residents flee into the Old City, as an internet rumour suggests the walls contain a rectractible roof. 

November 20: A meteorologist on a national news network confuses St. John's with Saint John, causing residents of both cities to dress inappropriately. 

November 22: Kelowna basks in +15 degree sunshine. Snarky boastful sun kissed relatives are hung up on in Alberta.

November 23: Sudbury contemplates leaving Ontario and joining Manitoba, since they recieve the same 2 feet of snow and Long John Index of 4 that Winnipeg is getting.

November 25: Residents of Saskatchewan watch their dogs chase a blizzard as it heads east for 3 days.

November 27: Edmontons bask in 5 days of cold temperatures, but with cloudless sunshine, lifting moods and spirits until they get snow in that gap around the ankles between the shoe and socks.

November 29: Alert, Top of Canada, hits -56 without the windchill. The Alert Timmies opens 20 minutes late.

November 30: Repairs to the Edmonton Electrical Grid are complete, as the Long Range Forecasto-Tron begins work on Forecasting December!