The Long John Index Service of Canada

Keeping Canadians Warm and Entertained since Mid to late October


Off Season Workouts Part 45 - Yup, We're Sellin Toques

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Your Taxpayer Dollars at work.
After half a dozen months of research, development, focus groups, debate and non animal testing, the tall foreheads here at the Long John Index have decided to sell the only thing that get this economy moving: LONG JOHN INDEX TOQUES. We have a concept drawing of what they will look like. Big thanks to the R&D Department for spending 5 weeks and $7 Million Dollars to come up with that Gem.

The toques will be available later this fall. Correction; seeing as how Fall lasts only a week, they will be available in early winter (Octoberish). We are also told we will be working in conjunction with those knee socked warriors at the Canadian Postal Service to deliver them straight to your door/roof/igloo.

We'll have more details as they become available! Also, We'll be announcing the results of all our 'Off Season Research' next week!

Enjoy your fall everybody! Don't blink! You'll miss it!

Wanna be interviewed by the Long John Index?

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No. Kermit does not work here. 

Now that the Canadian election is done, our bosses are back to work, which unfortunately that means WE must go back to work. We were unfortunately not able to convince the Ministers that finishing this 250,000 piece puzzle was vital to our National Long John Strategy. Instead, we are under orders to see what Canadians think about the weather, and report that information back to Canadians. Make sense? No? Of course not. This is the Government.

So what we are going to do is conduct a series of interviews with Canadians from non-Edmonton parts of Canada (if there is such a thing). We want to know what the Weather is like where YOU live! What can people expect if they come for a visit? At what temperature do YOU wear your Long Johns? Whats the craziest weather YOU've ever seen? That sort of thing. Heck we may even interview someone from Edmonton too, just for kicks!

We've already got some interview requests pending, but if you are interested in wasting a couple minutes of your work day, and are from a hilariously named town, hit us up on twitter or that 'Book of Faces' thing! We'll start posting the interviews on this blog in a couple weeks!

Thanks and happy hockey playoffs,

The Long John Index Service

Happy Non Winter Holidays!

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Well friends, Spring/Summer is upon us, or at least, according to the Calendar (not according to the ground on the prairies). With Springy Summer, comes warmer temperatures, which means *sniff* people probably aren't going to be wearing Long Johns, which means most people probbbably won't be needing The Long John Index Service.

Of course you might think that all the staff are planning their Non Winters: and taking the weeks off to rest, golf, read trashy novels, and BBQ as many Hot Dogs as is legally allowed. YOU'D think that, but No!

As a $75 Billion Dollar a year department of the Canadian Government, We don't actually close the doors for the ENTIRE Non Wintery Season. There will still be much work behind the scenes, mostly reviews; Lots and Lots and Lots of Reviews. See the Long John Index is so busy Saving the Lives of Frost Bitten Canadians, that we need the summer to take a step back and review how things are done. We are planning ann overview of Long John Index, where we will review the effectiveness of the Index and its various widgets and permutations, and decide whether they can be improved. Maybe we'll start considering the Wind Chill when we do the Long John Index! Maybe it will be on a scale from 1-8 instead of 1-5! Maybe YOU, the informed Canadian, have some ideas, and maybe JUST Maybe, we'll even listen to them (Unlike those 'know it all' jerks at the UV Index, who think they're so big because they are listed in various weather news outlets).

In the mean time, The Long John Index will be on 'Standby Mode'. We'll definitely keep an eye on that grump Old Man Winter, and if something major happens within the next 4 months, we will do what we've always done: Alert Canadians in a clear and professional manner about what horrific danger they are in. Those will happen primarily over the Long John Index twitter feed, but if something really awesome happens, like Vancouver getting a Long John Index of 4, in JUNE, then not only will we post it here, but ambush the Weather Network and the CBC Weather Centre to report it.

The Long John Index WILL Return to full operation, in the fall of 2011. No time table is set, but once your legs start to get chilly, we'll be ready!

Have a great Non Wintery Season, and thanks to everyone for their support,

The Long John Index Service of Canada Staff