The Long John Index Service of Canada

Keeping Canadians Warm and Entertained since Mid to late October

Long John Index

Off Season Workouts Part 45 - Yup, We're Sellin Toques

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Your Taxpayer Dollars at work.
After half a dozen months of research, development, focus groups, debate and non animal testing, the tall foreheads here at the Long John Index have decided to sell the only thing that get this economy moving: LONG JOHN INDEX TOQUES. We have a concept drawing of what they will look like. Big thanks to the R&D Department for spending 5 weeks and $7 Million Dollars to come up with that Gem.

The toques will be available later this fall. Correction; seeing as how Fall lasts only a week, they will be available in early winter (Octoberish). We are also told we will be working in conjunction with those knee socked warriors at the Canadian Postal Service to deliver them straight to your door/roof/igloo.

We'll have more details as they become available! Also, We'll be announcing the results of all our 'Off Season Research' next week!

Enjoy your fall everybody! Don't blink! You'll miss it!

Wanna be interviewed by the Long John Index?

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No. Kermit does not work here. 

Now that the Canadian election is done, our bosses are back to work, which unfortunately that means WE must go back to work. We were unfortunately not able to convince the Ministers that finishing this 250,000 piece puzzle was vital to our National Long John Strategy. Instead, we are under orders to see what Canadians think about the weather, and report that information back to Canadians. Make sense? No? Of course not. This is the Government.

So what we are going to do is conduct a series of interviews with Canadians from non-Edmonton parts of Canada (if there is such a thing). We want to know what the Weather is like where YOU live! What can people expect if they come for a visit? At what temperature do YOU wear your Long Johns? Whats the craziest weather YOU've ever seen? That sort of thing. Heck we may even interview someone from Edmonton too, just for kicks!

We've already got some interview requests pending, but if you are interested in wasting a couple minutes of your work day, and are from a hilariously named town, hit us up on twitter or that 'Book of Faces' thing! We'll start posting the interviews on this blog in a couple weeks!

Thanks and happy hockey playoffs,

The Long John Index Service

Off Season Workouts Part 1 - The Oreo Mountain

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We voted 99% in favour to adopting this as official office policy. The Prime Minister Vetoed it.

During the 'Long John Index Off-Season', occasionally we get asked to help out in other areas of the Government of Canada. So when the Department of 'Parks, Playgrounds, and other things Parents don't let their kids do anymore' came by to ask if we would assist in their annual Rockie Mountain Inspection, we did the only thing we could do: unplug the phone, turn off all the lights and hide, ever so quietly under the desks.

Unfortunately, one of the interns sneezed, and three hours later, we were packing up the office to head out to Jasper National Park to Inspect mountains. 300 hours of hiking, 900 pencils, 9300 litres of coffee and 7 cougar attacks later, we were back in the Home Office in Edmonton. We won't bore you with the details here, because they are classified as 'Top Secret', and visible only to several government departments, The Military, the Prime Minister's Office, and Gordon Lightfoot. However, we can say that there IS a Mountain in Jasper National Park, that is made entirely of Oreo Cookie.

The Rocky Mountain Inspection was a good time to get some reviews in, and we batted around the following ideas:

1. A Recommendation to the 'Canadian Weather Broadcasters Association du Canada' to describe Sunny as being 'Undercast', seeing as how Cloudy is described as 'Overcast'.
2. Another Recommendation to the 'Canadian Weather Broadcasters Association du Canada' to scrap forecasts all together, and describe weather forecasts as being 'Better' or 'Worse' than the day previous.
3.  Doubling the Long John Index Thresholds from 5 levels to 10, adding in extra thresholds for various windchills, in order to add more accuracy. Also looked at replacing numeric values all together, and replacing them with various smiley or frowny face emoticons, in order to appeal to Canadians of all languages (except Klingon. The line needs to be drawn somewhere).

We should point out that No major decisions regarding the Long John Index will be made in April. There will be lots of ideas floated around, improvements, suggestions, ways to make things worse etc. As always we would happily like your input, so if you have suggestions on how to make the Long John Index better or any other ideas when it comes to the weather, be sure to comment on the blog, or comment on that Facebook Page!